Oh GOSH I really hate that I’m sitting down to write this post because it means that my sophomore year is really over. (a.k.a. I am halfway done with college.) So, here goes my routine “end-of-the-school-year” post. I’ve let my thoughts distill for a week or so, and I’m READY.
When I went home for this year’s winter break – the official chasm between first and second semester – I knew something had changed. I specifically remember a diary entry I wrote just as the first semester was ending, just as I was packing my suitcase to head home for break. I’m too lazy to get up and look up exactly what I wrote, but I remember that when I started writing the entry, I came to the realization that I’d finally fallen in love with Tufts. It was like a switch had finally turned on in my head, an “aha!” moment if you will. Suddenly I didn’t really want to leave this place at all. I mean, I had a decent freshman year and all, but that resistance to leaving was definitely not the case when I was packing up for my freshman-year winter break.
Now, as I reflect on that realization, it strikes me as so bizarre that it hit me at that point in time, because my first semester sophomore year was, to say the least, bizarre. That semester, I was mostly too busy and too exhausted and too stressed to even take a look around and let things sink in. I was running around campus with barely any time to do anything. I felt more insulated from my surroundings than ever. Weird stuff happened. Yet, somehow, that was the semester that ended with a moment of clarity.
I guess I don’t have a logical explanation for why, at that very moment, I felt that weird connection, and Tufts became more than just the school I go to. But I also like that it’s sort of a mystery to me, so I don’t want to think about it too much.
What I can speak to, though, is how incredible sophomore year as a whole was. I made new lifelong friends, became even closer with the bestie I already had, discovered my academic passion, became a leader for the first time, and found this new confidence in myself that I didn’t even know I had. And I’m not just saying all of this out of obligation because it’s the end of the school year and you’re supposed to be cheesy ‘n’ stuff about your personal growth. I swear it is REAL, and I’ve thought about it a lot, and it’s so clear I’m not that scared little freshman I used to be.
So. I’m gonna wrap this up as best as I can.
Today, I took a peaceful walk around campus in the sunny 70-degree weather and listened to the Beach Boys for probably the first time since last summer, this time taking in the music with a new state of mind since my sophomore year is behind me now. Everything felt in its right place.*
Now, here, enjoy some James Blake (who I’m seeing in concert next week!).
*Unintentional Radiohead reference.